I Hate Pinocchio (No Lie!)
Over the past few years I’ve read my son a lot of bed time stories, often books from the Disney collection. Of these books, there’s one story that finds itself in the mix occasionally, and never fails to amuse me with its sheer nonsense: Pinocchio.
We all know the tale of Pinocchio, the puppet who longs to be a real boy, and Gepetto, the meek toymaker who wants a son. Perhaps it’s most famous for his nose growing when he lies, which interestingly isn’t really key to the plot at all. It’s a classic. But every time I read it there are several plot points that just jump out to me as being completely dumb:
- Gepetto builds a puppet. Wishes it was a real boy. Goes to bed. He’s awoken later by his puppet which has come to life. He goes back to bed soon after. Next morning he sends his new puppet-boy to school. You’d think after he made this wish and it came true he’d want to spend some time with, and get to know and enjoy his creation. But no, he immediately sends it to school. If you built a puppet which came to life you’d video tape it and send it out in hopes of making a mint, you would never ever send it to school. Use your head Gepetto!
- Later on Honest John and Gideon (the two “rascals” who repeatedly lure Pinocchio into trouble) meet “The Coachman” in a tavern. “The Coachman” then promises them a large sum of money if they can bring him little boys he can lead to Pleasure Island. I just can’t read that part with a straight face. That might slip past audiences in 1940, but in 2009 Coachmen drive old vans with no windows.
- Pinocchio never makes it to school the first time, he’s lured into a travelling puppet show owned by a guy named Stromboli (heir to the Pizza Pop empire). But later he’s lured to Pleasure Island, with the promise that it’s so much better than school: a place Pinocchio has never been in the first place!
- Pinocchio ends up at Pleasure Island, a strange place where kids eat candy, smoke cigars and play pool until they literally turn into little jackasses. Trippy. The Coachmen pays to have young boys come to a place where they can run amok basically. This just makes no sense.
- Pinocchio is weirded out by Pleasure Island, and his new donkey ears/tail, and leaves under the urging of Jiminy Cricket to help Gepetto. Gepetto went out to look for Pinocchio and was, of course, swallowed by a whale. Pinocchio saves the day by lighting a fire inside the whale (good thinking!). He’s then rewarded for his bravery and becomes a real boy.
Ok, some of those points are just good fantastic fairy tale story elements. The basic story outline isn’t too bad. When You Wish Upon a Star is a classic song. The ending with the whale rescue is actually pretty cool. But the first few plot points, Gepetto’s apathetic reaction to his puppet coming to life and this mysterious Coachman (who’s true motives are never revealed) will forever have me scratching my head and rolling my eyes over this “classic” story.
One Response to “I Hate Pinocchio (No Lie!)”
Jason Dorn - January 31, 2009
Haha your analysis of Pinocchio is spot on, I mean WTF Gepetto, just send your wooden boy off to school?
Don’t you maybe go to the school with the boy and explain to the teachers “yeah, so I made this wooden puppet last night and now it’s alive, and I’ve got other stuff to do today, so can you deal with him? And oh yeah, keep him out of the rain, he’s not varnished yet”
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